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Todd: Here we go, my name’s Todd. This is Cathy. Welcome back to another episode of Zen Parenting Radio. This is podcast number 762. Why listen to Zen Parenting Radio? Because you’ll feel outstanding and always remember our motto, which is that the best predictor of a child’s well being. Is a parent’s self understanding.
Todd: On today’s show, um, you and I were at lunch last week, and you were talking, and I thought of a swingers line. Okay. So we’re gonna base the main part of this podcast about a swingers line and the meaning behind it as it results to parenting. The movie swingers. The movie swingers.
Cathy: Not like swingers who like
Todd: Good qualification.
Todd: The movie swingers. Not our thing. Nothing wrong with that. Just not our [00:01:00] thing. We are in a platonic, no, not platonic. What are we in? Monogamous. Monogamous relationships. It means we’re just friends. Relationship. Did I say that T word? You said relationships. Like there was one more. Monogamous. In swingers it’s relationships.
Todd: The movie? No, no, in the lifestyle. Correct. Yeah. And we stayed somewhere in Arizona and they had an upside down pineapple. They
Cathy: did. There was some things at the house we stayed at that made us think maybe it was a place of joy for many. There were all these symbols and signs of things. I
Todd: was wondering how you’re going to explain that you called it a place of joy.
Cathy: Well, there were like, it was one of those things, like, you know, when someone points out one thing and then you start looking around and you’re like, huh, There are some things here. There are symbols. That’s funny. But why, why the upside down pineapple? I have no idea. Caught that one.
Todd: I’m, I’m, I don’t know. I don’t think it was me, but I’m glad that I didn’t [00:02:00] notice and I’m glad I don’t have a radar for it because That’s interesting.
Cathy: I know. We, I was just re listening to the rewatchables about Risky Business and they were in it. For those of you who have seen Risky Business, you know, basically Joel Goodson ends up like having a brothel in his house and his parents come home not too long after that. And they were just talking about how, what’s the energy in that house.
Todd: Do you know what I mean? Smell of sex.
Cathy: Well, that’s the thing is they were kind of like, there’s
Todd: the literal. And I don’t remember like a cleaning thing. Uh, service coming in for Joel after the party.
Cathy: He had no cleaning service. All of the stuff was on the lawn.
Todd: There’s no way the parents didn’t know. That’s, I guess that’s what happens in movies.
Todd: Maybe the
Cathy: egg was
Todd: cracked. The egg was cracked. That’s how they found out.
Cathy: They found out. But the, all the stuff was on the lawn and then in this very short period of time where he did not pick up his parents at the airport, they got all the furniture back in and then they came home and then the egg was cracked and then he got into Princeton.
Cathy: Princeton.
Todd: He sure did. I think that that is one of, I remember. [00:03:00] I never watched, uh, Siskel and Ebert that much, but I remember watching it, and they said how good of a movie that was. Four
Cathy: stars, baby.
Todd: Yeah, like, it was a real, and I agree, like, it is a super good movie. Obviously, there’s a lot of sex and a lot of, you know, that stuff’s going on within the movie, but it was just a very good movie.
Todd: Well,
Cathy: they tried to, they were going to try it. to sell it like porkies. Like they were talking about that the original poster was like a cartoon version of Tom Cruise with women all around him. I’m visualizing the bachelor party poster with Tom Hanks. It was like women everywhere. And then they decided the director’s like, that’s not the tone at all.
Cathy: Like the director is very serious. Like, do you remember the music in it? It’s called Tangerine Dream or something like that. Like, it’s a very like, Adult show and not because of the sex in the movie. I just mean like it’s it’s got levels Yeah, and so they were like no. No, that’s not the tone at all. So then they did the Tom Cruise with the glasses down his nose
Todd: and that’s a classic
Cathy: it is and another thing that was realized [00:04:00] is that Tom Cruise is basically responsible for selling Sunglasses in this country.
Cathy: Yeah When, Top Gun and Risky Business. Risky Business was Wayfares, which I’m wearing right now, and then Top Gun was Ray Bans.
Todd: There you go.
Cathy: So thank you, Tom Cruise.
Todd: So a few things. One is, um, I am holding, for those of you guys who happen to watch us on YouTube, I’m holding, we just got some brand new Zen Parenting Radio Water Bottles.
Todd: And I’m gonna say anybody who signs up for Team Zen gets a free water bottle. Oh
Cathy: my gosh, sign up for Team Zen.
Todd: Oh my god.
Cathy: Team, Team Zen is so cool. Yeah. so much. I love everybody on Team Zen. We had such a big week last week. We had Duffy, and we had Jen, and we had, you know, groups that got together, and we had, we have a Zen Talk this week.
Todd: Uh, I don’t know. I gotta look at it.
Cathy: I just love it. It’s an app, everybody. Basically, you’re just getting this app where you have
Todd: resources
Cathy: and community.
Todd: More Zen parenting on your app. Podcasts. With a community.
Cathy: With a community. That’s all. On Zoom. Oh my gosh, are we coming up with a new tagline?
Todd: What is it?
Cathy: [00:05:00] Oh, you just threw Zoom in. It’s Zen Parenting Online with a Community. Is that what it is? Zen Parenting on an app
Todd: with a community. We gotta work on it. Um, so, but, but if you want to be live Q& A with Cathy and Todd, we do it twice a month. They’re amongst many other things. Um, so anyways, water bottle. So sign up for Team Zen.
Todd: And get a water bottle. And these are brand new.
Cathy: And they click and then they lock, so you can bring them on an airplane. That’s why we love them. As a family, we fight over who gets to take the Zen Parenting Paddle on an airplane. Well, let me tell
Todd: you a little bit about that. I finally converted my entire family to do that because there were certain members of my family, I’m not naming any names, who would purchase, first of all, I remember one time I don’t know, I was lazy and I didn’t bring my water bottle so I bought, uh, I decided to splurge and get, what is it, Fia?
Todd: What’s the, what’s the, Evian? No, not Evian. It’s the one that’s really cool. It’s kind of in a square. Mm
Cathy: hmm.
Todd: Um, I forget what it’s called, but it’s supposedly the best one. And it was huge and the thing [00:06:00] costs like 12. Oh my gosh. I’m like, for a good water bottle. So anyways, um, the other thing is I’m wearing, what hat, what am I wearing today?
Cathy: Oh, Chicago White Sox.
Todd: Chicago White Sox. They just swept the Tampa Bay Rays.
Cathy: Oh, I thought they sucked.
Todd: Here’s the thing. They do suck. They just won three games in a row and they only have six wins on the season. And we’re almost in May. It tells you how bad the White Sox are. But for today, I’m proudly wearing the hat.
Todd: This is going to be a historically bad season for the White Sox, but that’s okay.
Cathy: Maybe they’ll be like the team in Major League.
Todd: Uh, you never know. Never know. We just need a little Tom Berenger, Charlie Sheen to show up.
Cathy: Wesley Snipes.
Todd: Wesley Snipes.
Cathy: What was his name?
Todd: Run like Mays, hit like Hayes, or something like that.
Cathy: Slide.
Todd: This slide.
Cathy: Isn’t it because he could steal bases?
Todd: Yes. He was very fast and he hit a lot of pop ups.
Cathy: And Tom Berenger really wasn’t a good ball player.
Todd: You know, no, he’s not a natural athlete. But Charlie Sheen is. Charlie [00:07:00] Sheen is a very good athlete. I think the best athlete, actor athletes out there are like Kevin Costner, even though he’s old now.
Todd: He’s still really good. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen is really good. There’s a bunch of them and I’m sure I’m forgetting many but um, it’s funny as somebody who loves sports,
Cathy: one
Todd: of the first things that I um, I look for is if somebody like Michael J. Fox is one of my favorite human beings on this planet.
Todd: He’s
Cathy: bad at basketball. He’s
Todd: really bad at basketball. In Team Wolf. And then they have the double kind of do for it, but you know it’s not him.
Cathy: Well, it’s not him because he’s like 10, like, like inches taller than
Todd: Michael J. Fox. Well, is that when he
Cathy: turns into the wolf? Well, that’s confusing too, because there’s like four characters out on the floor.
Cathy: There’s Michael J. Fox as he is playing bad basketball. Then there’s a character that’s like still human playing Michael J. Fox. And then they have Michael J. Fox as the wolf. And then they’ve got another guy playing the wolf. So you, if you watch the movie enough, which I [00:08:00] unfortunately or fortunately have, you get a lot of different people on that floor.
Todd: Yes. Um, I want to find out who are the best actors. Cause I’m, I’m Googling and it says, who’s the greatest athlete turned actor. I don’t want an athlete turned actor. I want an actor who happens to be good at sports.
Cathy: Yeah. Um, so like an actor who, when he’s on, well, I think we should go to the movies then.
Cathy: Kevin Costner did a lot of them cause he was good at golf and he was good at, um, he didn’t play baseball in field of dreams, but he threw it.
Todd: Uh, he, he’s a very good golfer. Say
Cathy: that Tom Cruise is good at hitting and a few good things, a few good things. No. A few good men. He’s okay. He’s not
Todd: bad. Uh, he, he also, uh, learned to wrestle for, uh, born on the 4th of July.
Todd: Um. Well,
Cathy: he learns, he learned to throw bottles and co*cktail too.
Todd: He also learned, uh, he got so good at nine ball that he could have turned pro.
Cathy: And racing cars. He and Paul Newman.
Todd: He just does a deep dive in everything he does.
Cathy: How have we talked about Tom Cruise twice already? I know. Um, what [00:09:00] about, um, I was just thinking about another movie.
Cathy: Okay, so Robert Redford, no, in The Natural? No, he, he’s okay. Um, what about, uh, Vision Quest? What about him? Loud and Swain?
Todd: Yeah. He’s okay, but that’s wrestling. And I wrestled and I have, um, I have a lot of, uh, respect for, um, wrestling and, you know, you can kind of fake your way through wrestling a little bit more than you can fake On screen.
Todd: On screen,
Cathy: yeah. So what about, like, any given Sunday? Football players? Um.
Todd: Yeah. Um. Uh, Jamie Foxx, he was pretty good.
Cathy: I remember in Friday Night Lights, and I don’t know if it was the movie or the TV show, but there was something about, um, who, it started, they called him, it was an S, um, he was their running back.
Cathy: God, what was his name? On the show. I can’t remember. Um, but anyway, that there was some question about whether he was really good. You know
Todd: who’s good is Mark Harmon. He was the quarterback for UCLA. He was [00:10:00] the starting quarterback for UCLA. But did
Cathy: he ever play an athlete in a movie?
Todd: Uh, I
Cathy: don’t know.
Cathy: That’s
Todd: a good question. I don’t know. I don’t know. Um, okay. So that’s the first thing. White socks are bad. Um. Swingers. Swingers. So here we go. So I’m going to play a clip from Swingers. I’m going to have to bleep one bad word out. So don’t let me forget that. I’m going to write myself a note right now and I’m just going to play the clip and we’re going to see what happens.
Todd: Okay. Oh no. It just left me. Remind me later. Let’s do it here.
Clip: Now I’m gonna go tell her pitbull’s on us. Will you stop making fun, all right? Now the trick is that we gotta look like we don’t need this sh*t and then they give us this sh*t for free. Right, right, right. Well, you know, I think you look great, man.
Clip: And I think I’m looking like the money, like the bomb. Right? Stop. See that? That there table? That’s where we make our scene. You think they’re gonna notice me and you? Oh, they’re gonna notice me and you. Still watching.
Todd: Okay, um, so it was the beginning of that line. We gotta act like we don’t need this stuff, and then we get this stuff for free.
Todd: Correct. So I’m gonna kinda do my best to set this up, and then I want you [00:11:00] to talk about it. In the mornings, In my parenting history, I have a need to connect with my children. Mm-Hmm. mornings are not the best time to connect with children, by the way. They’re tired. They’re tired. They got school, and they have all the things that they have to do.
Todd: And I understand that. And I wanna connect. And the way that when I’m not doing it well, there’s times when I do it well, so I’m not gonna beat myself up. But when I’m not doing it well, I am asking them questions because I have a need for them to connect with me. And in that line it says we gotta act like we don’t need this stuff and then we get this stuff for free.
Todd: So for me, I think I want to help parents learn from my experience is that our kids can sniff this out very quickly. And if they know that there’s, this is just dad trying his best to engage in conversation because he doesn’t feel connected to me, then they’re not going to want to connect.
Cathy: It’s just annoying.
Cathy: I don’t even know if it’s a parenting [00:12:00] thing. It’s a people thing.
Todd: I know, but I, yes, that’s true. And it’s a parenting podcast. So we’re just going to use that as a framework.
Cathy: Yeah. Like I don’t want to, I don’t want to sidetrack it, but I think there’s, I
Todd: think, but don’t you think parents do it more often than if I were going to do it with my friend?
Cathy: Yeah, because they do it sometimes and they don’t realize that they sound fake. Do you know what I mean? Like, and this is, this is hard. Like these are, You know, I’m going to like jump into something random, but you know, sometimes in, this isn’t really happening as much right now and it’s not as much in the ethers.
Cathy: I’m not saying there’s not people who aren’t driving this, but in the last election, like two years ago, um, like with school boards and stuff, there was like a big push to get rid of social emotional learning in the school, which makes me laugh because I’m like, what are you thinking? Because social emotional learning.
Cathy: Hopefully it’s incorporated into everything we’re doing in the school that social emotional learning is incorporated into the classroom, whether you’re teaching [00:13:00] math, geography, history, whatever, literature, it’s very easy to incorporate because you’re talking about people’s feelings and such, but, but why it makes me laugh is because social emotional learning is what every human being needs the most.
Cathy: It’s the thing that That, um, is going to make or break, it’s going to be the reason whether or not you are successful. And it is something you can learn, but it’s also something you need to practice. And sometimes, depending on your personality, or, you know, let’s just use, let’s say Enneagram because not because it’s a perfect system, but because it gives us kind of an idea.
Cathy: There are certain people on the Enneagram who connecting with people is the key component of their life. Like I’m a two and that is like my sole goal, right? Like everything is about how is everybody doing? It has shadow. It has light. And then there’s a lot of other people on the Enneagram who are like that.
Cathy: Sometimes sevens are sometimes everybody is in some way.
Todd: But some of the numbers have a tendency towards that.
Cathy: Like nine. Yeah. You know, and you are kind of, I think you’re in the middle [00:14:00] because you’re a three enneagram, you’re a three wing two. So you’re a more ambitious. I
Todd: want to achieve so that people can look at me and say, look at what Todd achieved and it has gold and shadow.
Todd: It has positives and negatives.
Cathy: And the wing two means that you’re very focused on relationships with people, but sometimes the way that you’re doing it is more, um, uh, Uh, you know, being an ambitious person and being someone who likes models, you’re almost like speaking a model. Um, you know, like there’s a, um, you know, like you’re like, huh, I’ll ask this question and I’ll focus on this thing.
Cathy: And instead of it being interpersonal or interrelational, it’s almost like a checklist,
Todd: right? I’ll read, I’ll Google like 10 things I should talk to my daughter about in the morning. And because I need ideas because what I used yesterday didn’t work. And there’s a Inauthenticity around that. Right.
Cathy: And so, but I, I don’t at all think about you as being inauthentic, but I’m just trying to use like, you know, and I think a lot of people can relate to this, right?
Cathy: We’re using the way we relate is more like, I’ll just do [00:15:00] the voice. Hi, do you have any tests today? What’s it? Did you sleep all right? Did you? There’s like a kind of an inauthenticity to the communication. Now, when I say that, I know these are normal things to say and sometimes we’re not thinking that deep about it, but sometimes our kids get annoyed at us very quickly just by the tone of our voice, okay?
Cathy: And they can tell that we want to engage in conversation and they’re just kind of tired. And annoyed. And then we get annoyed at them for being annoyed at us because we’re trying our best to be nice and we’re at least trying to engage and if you were a nicer kid you would. And they’re
Todd: on their phone eating their cereal.
Cathy: Right. Like at least I’m making an effort. Right. Because we are still children ourselves inside and we want people to acknowledge what we’re doing. I’m doing so much writing on this right now. Like we just really want, we are like look at me and look at what I’m doing and give me positive feedback for what I’m doing, you know.
Cathy: And we even do that with our own children. So. The whole thing about the swinger’s quote about act like you don’t need it, act like you don’t need the stuff and get it [00:16:00] for free, it’s not about playing another game. Like, we’re not going to be like Mikey and T. We’re not going to like, act like we’re above it.
Cathy: We’re just going to be a little more chill. Like, we’re not going to Go to our kids and need things from them. We’re just going to have normal conversation. Like what’s, you know, sometimes I come downstairs and by the way, I don’t always do this perfectly. It’s just a little, I think it’s a little easier for me through practice.
Cathy: This
Todd: is what happened. We’re at lunch. I love my daughter. She loves me. And in the morning, I, I am trying to navigate this in a way where. I can connect with her before she leaves because she’s about to leave for 7 or 8 hours. And, I won’t say every time, but I sometimes You know, drop a line in, I’m thinking of fishing, I drop a line like maybe this, maybe she’ll grab onto this.
Todd: Maybe it’s like, how was your weekend? Maybe it’s, um, or what I think one of the things that we’re going to say is start sharing what’s going on in our life instead of ask them about theirs. Um, [00:17:00] but, but sometimes it’s working and sometimes it’s not. And when it doesn’t work, I’m actually getting more comfortable with the silence in the morning.
Todd: For sure. But then you come in and. You just do it better.
Cathy: Well, I think that the thing that I do is I just have normal conversation. For example, I walk downstairs and I say, I’m making this up. Skylar, I had a dream about grandma last night and you were in it and you were wearing a purple shirt. And she’s like, Oh, That’s weird.
Cathy: I’m like, I know. And then that’s like the last thing I say for about five or ten minutes. And I’m not making it up. It really happened. And then maybe ten minutes later, she’s doing something. I walk in and I say, okay, I’ve been listening to TTPD, which is the Tortured Poets Department. And I say, okay, and I am stuck on song seven because of this reason and this reason.
Cathy: Do you think this too? And sometimes we argue about TTPD because she has different beliefs about it than I do. You know, we’re all like coming at it,
Todd: but that’s such a Taylor Swift. So before, so song seven is fresh out of this life. Well,
Cathy: and it’s not even song seven that [00:18:00] I was making that up.
Todd: Um, but even that, like, I, you know, we’ll kind of start expanding this conversation.
Todd: You have something deeply in common right now with her. For sure. Like you are going through however many, how many songs are there? There’s 31 songs that are deep and have all this room for interpretation. And you have this, um, built in conversation. In common. Yeah. Love Taylor Swift. I’ve chosen so far not to spend much time listening to it.
Todd: So that’s like, You
Cathy: need to do a wah wah.
Todd: Oh, okay. Hold on. Cause you need to listen.
Cathy: Get your earphones on. I
Todd: know, I know. It’s just 31 songs. Where do I start?
Cathy: Do 31 songs, do one song and then be done. You’re right. And then do the next song and then be done. So this
Todd: morning when Skylar woke up. I said, how’d you sleep?
Todd: She’s pleasant. She’s like, she’s great. She’s like, how’d you sleep? Um, but if I would have said, um, what do you think about the albatross? Oh my [00:19:00] gosh. We have so
Cathy: many thoughts about the albatross.
Todd: I have a feeling. And if I brought my take to it first, that would be even better. Then I have a feeling the morning conversation might go a bit better.
Cathy: See, sometimes Okay, I feel sometimes like I have really good information for people and sometimes I feel like I’m in a bubble. This is why. Pop culture is such an important part of our family culture, and I don’t know if it’s a chicken or the egg. Meaning, you and I, in our own real worlds, this is not a ploy to connect with kids.
Cathy: in our real worlds before we were even together as a couple. Part of the reason my friend thought we’d get along when she introduced us is because we both loved pop culture. Thank
Todd: you, Laura Handy.
Cathy: Yeah, so she’s like, you guys always talk about movies, you guys are like each other, or I always did quotes or whatever.
Cathy: Yeah, we
Todd: both love
Cathy: movies. We both love movies. So we do that. Individually and as a couple. We talk about music, we talk about movies. In our family culture, that is just part, that’s part of [00:20:00] mom and dad, right? We do this for a living, we talk about pop culture, whatever. So our girls are very knowledgeable in their own ways about pop culture because of us and because of what they love.
Cathy: Some things they know that we don’t know at all, right? They have their own adventures in pop culture. It’s an easy conversation. for me to have. I texted the girls 30 minutes ago, where are we with TTPD? What’s our favorite now? Because when you listen to an album, if it’d be Taylor Swift or Beyonce or whatever, it changes because you get to know the music better and you start to like realize, ooh, this song is the one.
Cathy: So I’m always kind of assessing where they are. Same with Skyler with certain TV shows, with movies. Her whole wall in her bedroom now is like movie and music. Not paraphernalia. What’s the word? Like, what is it? Stuff. I call it stuff. Stuff on the walls. She has her own loves, right? So it’s an easy conversation that I think is more peer because I’m not teaching her a thing.
Cathy: I mean, maybe I, sometimes I try to and she’s like, no mom, like we have a good peer back and forth [00:21:00] about it. So it’s better than, do you have a test today?
Todd: Yeah. And here’s the thing. I think it’s, um, this is important. I think the best thing that people can take from this conversation is figure out what your parents, what your kids are interested in and get interested, but there’s also an energetic piece that I, that I think you have, I don’t think it’s just content.
Todd: I think you have an energetic piece and I don’t know if you are going to be able to communicate that. And like I said, I’ll start, I’ll go back to where we started. It’s a result of my, uh, discomfort from silent mornings. So I need to engage in conversation, which means I need silent
Cathy: mornings from your childhood.
Todd: I don’t even know if we’ll go back to, I was going to say
Cathy: when the girls were all here, it was loud. Yeah.
Todd: Yeah, I’m more thinking like, if it’s Skylar and I, and I’m like, you know, getting her lunch ready for the day or whatever it is, and it’s silence, there’s an awkwardness in me. And I’m, it’s less awkward now, but I’m getting more and more comfortable with that.
Todd: [00:22:00] It’s okay that we don’t have to talk in the mornings. No,
Cathy: it’s actually
Todd: quite nice. But the story I make up is this kid’s about to leave for seven or eight hours. And then after school, she’s going to do her homework and do all the things that she does. And then we’re going to, Uh, eat together for 30 minutes and then she’s going to go back in her room and do more homework and listen to music.
Todd: And I feel like there’s an opportunity here that I’m missing out on.
Cathy: Well, and everything you just said is why when you ask a question, there’s too much pressure. Yeah. Because the thing about energy is it’s not about the words we choose. It’s about how we come into a situation and how loaded.
Todd: Yeah.
Cathy: We are, like, and this gets a little bit, um, it’s not about spiritual, but it gets into energy, uh, energetics.
Cathy: And some people don’t feel this or see this as much as other people do. Um, I can tell when someone comes in the room and they’re weighted down with something, right? There’s like an energy, and sometimes it’s something they need to say, and sometimes it’s about this need for connection. You know, like, I feel alone.
Cathy: I feel like you can feel it from people. And I think we all have this [00:23:00] capacity, we just don’t tap into it. Or we’re so focused on what our own needs are that we’re like, kind of pushing aside what other people need and we’re like, I need this. And the thing is, is I like to talk too. This isn’t like I I love silence all the time.
Cathy: I don’t, but that’s the thing is I don’t, that usually doesn’t happen. And I think the sentence you just shared, which was, but if I don’t talk to her now, and then she goes to school and then she comes home and then she’s in her room all day, you’re so like geared up about something that hasn’t even happened.
Cathy: And so if I understand, like, I’m not saying don’t You’re wrong, or it’s weird to say that. It’s
Todd: a good prediction. Yeah,
Cathy: you’re, it’s a good prediction, but then if you’re there in your head, then when you’re talking to her in the morning, that’s in
Todd: there. Well, and I’m, I think what you’re saying is I’m not present.
Todd: I’m thinking about this afternoon and tonight when I have her here in the morning with me right now.
Cathy: And are you trying to make yourself present? Feel better. Yes. Yes. Totally own it. So he feels that too. So she’s kind of like, okay, I’ll get it. And she sometimes totally just goes with it. Like, okay. Yeah, I do have that today.
Cathy: Or yeah, let’s do that. Or whatever. And, and [00:24:00] here’s the thing. There, we’re also all human. There’s nobody like, it’s not like I have this thing where I say things and no one gets annoyed. That’s doesn’t happen at all. Everyone gets annoyed. I don’t, I don’t. You do too. Everybody gets annoyed at everybody. But it’s a, being conscious of the energy you bring into every conversation is, uh, going to be a significant aspect of how that conversation unfolds.
Cathy: Mm-Hmm. . So if I’m walking downstairs and my first thoughts are gonna be, and again, she’s older now, so this isn’t a thing. Could you pack your, yeah. She’s 16. So everybody Now did you pack your backpack? You know. Did you make your lunch? Did you do you have a test today? Did you turn in that form? Are you ready?
Cathy: Oh, I don’t know if you should wear that today. It’s cold. If everything is like that, first of all, they’re gonna be like, Oh my God, goodbye, right? You know, like, stop talking to me. And then if we come down and we’re two in our heads, or we have our earphones in, and we’re not even connecting at all, that’s kind of not great.
Cathy: Yeah. So there’s this middle place There’s, like, one thing I try to do, and sometimes I even forget I have my earphones in, is I, if someone else is around, I try and take them out. And [00:25:00] when I’m saying try, I know that’s not a great word, I, I attempt to be thoughtful about taking them out. Sometimes I realize I’ve had them in the whole time and I didn’t even know.
Cathy: You know what I mean? Like, Does anyone wear airpods and you kind of forget they’re there, but I think there’s, uh, it’s, it’s symbolic. And it’s also very literal for me that if someone else comes in the kitchen and I have earphones and I take them out, meaning we don’t have to talk, but I am here, you know what I mean?
Cathy: Like I am going to engage. And sometimes. Like at night, I’ll say, Hey, anybody who’s in the kitchen, I’m putting my earphones in. So I’m going to be
Todd: locked out. You’re zoned out.
Cathy: And sometimes Todd will try and ask me questions and I do the same thing to you when you have your earphones in and he’ll keep asking me questions and I have to keep going click, click to my earphone.
Cathy: And I’ll say, Todd, I have my earphones in, so don’t ask me questions because I, I can’t. So, and I know that’s about Todd and not our kids, but it’s very similar with our partner. Like if we’re walking downstairs at night or in the morning, and we’re talking to our partner and are really like. fake way, you know,
Todd: or you’re looking at your phone or so.
Todd: Um, um, [00:26:00] so I want to pause the conversation real quick. Yeah. And this podcast has been brought to you by Cathy Adams sub stack account. Nice. So let’s pretend somebody doesn’t know what a sub stack is because I still don’t quite understand.
Cathy: Okay. So basically So old school, uh, I’m going to go way back when it was like when JC was born or like two or three, I started writing what, what we now call a blog.
Cathy: Um, and I used to send out, it was like a newsletter form and you know, people would subscribe to it and it was just a blog. And then as we evolved over the years, social media became bigger, right? Do you remember when people would write like huge Facebook posts?
Todd: Do
Cathy: you remember that? You’d read instead of a blog, it would just be on social media.
Cathy: Yeah. And then, you know, there’s been many different ways of doing this. And I don’t remember when Substack started. It’s been around a long time. I’m late to the party, to be honest. Like, it’s been around for a month. If
Todd: you’re late to the party, then I don’t even know there is a party.
Cathy: Well, the party’s been going on and I’ve been watching it from afar and [00:27:00] kind of excited about it.
Cathy: But you and I were using MailChimp, or I should say, I was using MailChimp for my Zen Parenting moment. And MailChimp is a great thing. newsletter service. It’s been working. I’ve been doing Zen Parenting Moment for five years, and it’s been working just fine. But Substack is like an old school blogging platform, but it’s got so many more capabilities.
Cathy: So you can go back to people commenting or liking, but it’s also like a, like a social media place in itself where there’s like a, you know, oh gosh, I’m losing the word. It’s like, uh, not a thread, you know, when you’re scrolling through, what is Substack. Everything you can read.
Todd: A screen? No. You’re so
Cathy: bad at this when we talk about these
Todd: things.
Todd: I’m not a good I
Cathy: know, as I can’t get the word. But you have your own, like So say, Todd, you’re on Instagram and you’re scrolling through. Oh, your feed! That’s what I’m looking for. You’ve got your own feed, so you can read everybody’s sub stack, and basically anybody who is in the world of writing is there.
Cathy: Okay, because people can, like, support each other. Like, Duffy just came out with a Substack about [00:28:00] a month or so ago, so now on my page I’m supporting his Substack.
Todd: You know what I mean? Substack is an American online platform that allows journalists, writers, and other content creators to publish newsletters and establish a subscription based audience.
Todd: Provides tools for authors to create and distribute their newsletters. Manage subscriptions. Are we doing subscription based stuff or no?
Cathy: Yeah, so everybody that was subscribing to my Zen Parenting moment on MailChimp has been moved to Substack.
Todd: So they don’t have to do anything? No. Okay.
Cathy: If you, well, if you already subscribed, then you already got my newest sub.
Cathy: You got my newest newsletter on Friday, and you may not have even noticed it was a different. You know, like, platform, I don’t know, um, but you may have noticed that you can now like it or you can comment or you can share it. It’s like so much more accessible for our current, you know, social media platforms and everything.
Cathy: And I, and now if you don’t subscribe to Zen Parenting Moment, you can just go to substack Cathy Cassani Adams and you can follow me or you can subscribe. Subscribing is how you’ll get the newsletter every Friday. That’s what I recommend because. [00:29:00] That’s really the writing I do. You know what I mean? I put something out every Friday morning, so subscribing is really the way to get that.
Cathy: Um, but anyway, I’m just, I’m excited about it. I think it’s so much easier and I just feel like, I feel like I’m up with the times, Todd. I’m getting up with the
Todd: times. Welcome to 2024. Right. So no call to action if you already get your Friday Zen Parenting moment. If you
Cathy: already, if you already subscribe or you got, if you got my Zen Parenting moment on Friday about TTPD, then you are already subscribed.
Todd: And the link will be in the show notes. Yes. Thank you. If somebody doesn’t want to do that. Just
Cathy: scroll down and look at it. And everything I’ve written, All my other Zen Parenting Moments are there now too, because Brad put them in. So you
Todd: couldn’t do that on MailChimp. I
Cathy: couldn’t do that on MailChimp. I could only just do my most recent posts.
Cathy: So now all my posts are there. So if you’ve been like saving my newsletters, because some people are like, I go back and read it. Now it’s on Substack. So just subscribe and you can go find it.
Todd: So I want to pivot over back. Uh, so this is somewhat in the discussion we’re having, but it’s kind of a silly, funny thing.[00:30:00]
Todd: Have you noticed, and maybe it’s always been like this, but as we get older and our. Daughters get older. That if we mispronounce something that they jump all over us.
Cathy: Correct. Oh, yes.
Todd: Can you come up with any examples? Cause I feel like you’re particularly tough on you.
Cathy: I’ll use, okay, first of all, they are tough on me.
Cathy: And I have to be honest. I was so tough on my parents about this. I was such a stickler when it came, especially pop culture stuff, saying a word the wrong way. on me when I was their age. I would even say through the time I was 30. And then I think once I had kids, my brain got so messy. I just kind of lost the need to do everything right in that category.
Cathy: And I don’t know if my brain can do it anymore, but like, for example, um, I said what, what was the word I was saying? I remember exactly where I was and she’s like, why do you say it that way? Yeah.
Todd: Well, it’s, I can’t think of it because it happens all the time. I
Cathy: know. Well, okay. So for exact, for example, cause we were just [00:31:00] talking about Taylor Swift’s album.
Cathy: There’s a song called, um, and I’ll say it the right way. Taylor says, Cassandra. Okay, and Cassandra, that’s how she says it in the song, but it could also be Cassandra, right?
Todd: You say Cassandra. Yeah, so say Cassandra and then I’m gonna pretend to be one of our three daughters. Cassandra. Mom! Mom! Mom! What are you?
Todd: Mom! It’s Cassandra! It’s not that! And I’m just like, chill. And what I do, try to lighten the mood, I like, I like jump to their side. Yeah, you’re like, yeah, mom. I’m kind of making fun of them because it’s so silly. And I just wonder if that’s happening in just our house, or if other parents can relate to that.
Todd: Of
Cathy: course other parents can relate to that. Like, it’s, it is a, it’s like trying to use their language and just not doing it right. Like, and I do use a lot of their language. Um. Um, I really do. Like it kind of comes naturally. Like we’ve said this before, but Jaycee has been using a lot of different language her whole life.
Cathy: So I pick up on it really fast. [00:32:00] And a lot of times it’s a little ahead of the, uh, you know, before it becomes really, um, a part of their culture. We’ve just heard it early. So, you know, I tend to say sus. I don’t say bra. That’s not something I say, but I tend to say suss. I don’t say briz. I say, but anyway.
Cathy: Sweetie, you
Todd: can’t just say that and not help me understand what you’re talking about.
Cathy: Well, like suss means, you know, it’s suspicious. And I say that a lot. And my friends do too. I think some things just, you know, trickle down to all the old people. I
Todd: just found something. You ready? We’re going to do it. Um, so this is called Teen Slang 2020.
Todd: Are you going to
Cathy: test me?
Todd: Uh, yeah, I guess so. And I’ll, I’ll share this link because it’s in the, it’s called a parent’s guide to teen slang. Okay. Let’s do it. Um, and it’s, it’s alphabetical. Okay. Addy. I don’t know. Short for address.
Cathy: Okay.
Todd: Uh.
Cathy: Never used that one. Adulting. Well, we know that. That just means like I have to do like big person stuff.
Cathy: Adulting. Aesthetic. Aesthetic is how something looks.
Todd: It’s another word for vibe.
Cathy: [00:33:00] Mm
Todd: hmm.
Cathy: Oh, interesting. So it’s not just the appearance, it’s the whole vibe.
Todd: It says, I don’t like this artist because I don’t get her aesthetic. Okay. Uh, ate and left no crumbs.
Cathy: That’s one that I can’t pick up on, maybe someday, but ate means like she crushed it.
Todd: We’re going to go through this because I think this is important for parents of teenagers.
Cathy: And left no crumbs is like she ate and it was like she crushed, crushed it.
Todd: It says it’s used when someone does an exceptional job at something. Tamara just performed all of Bohemian Rhapsody by herself. Ate and left no crumbs.
Todd: Uh
Cathy: huh.
Todd: I’m going to use all of these. Okay.
Cathy: Good. Good.
Todd: Basic. Basic means like norm. Mid. A way to describe something who lacks originality. Yeah. B. B. No idea. The two letters. No idea. Cinnamon. Cinnamon for babe or baby. Just, but usually used for friends. Pronounced Bee bee. All right, never heard it. Beige flag.
Cathy: Uh, like, I know that red flag is like something bad, green flag is like it’s
Todd: good. Very good, sweetie. Beige
Cathy: flag is like kind of [00:34:00] norm?
Todd: Refers to a behavior or personality trait that is neither positive nor negative.
Cathy: Yeah. Just
Todd: a little quirky or strange. Yeah, beige. Bestie. Best friend. Bet. Uh, you bet? Like yes?
Todd: That’s very good. You’re doing so much better than I would have done. A response, words synonymous with okay. Okay. So next time my daughter asks me something, I’m going to say bet.
Cathy: Yeah, but you got to know how to do it. You can’t just like throw it. You got to practice. I’m going to say bet. Okay. Okay. Did I
Todd: do it well?
Cathy: Kind of. You just, your tone was weird. You go bet. You got to be like, bet.
Todd: Okay, all right, uh, big. Uh, I don’t know. Big. A word that adds emphasis in multiple contexts. Okay. Big
Cathy: mad. Big mad. Yeah.
Todd: Means being extremely mad.
Cathy: Yeah.
Todd: Uh, blueprint. Uh, like a path, a layout. Used when someone did something so well that it became the standard by which everyone else does it.
Todd: Mm hmm. Every boy band these days is trying to be One Direction. They really are the blueprint.
Cathy: No. They’re trying to be Backstreet
Todd: Boys. That’s right.
Cathy: Boy, tell [00:35:00] me why. What do they mean One Direction? One Direction is like Sweetie, teenagers don’t really know BSB. Okay.
Todd: Um, boo. Like your girlfriend or boyfriend?
Todd: One significant other. Yeah. Booed up. That you’re relationship up? Like you’re To be in a romantic relationship. I don’t get it. What’s the difference between boo and booed up?
Cathy: Well, your boo is the actual person. So you’re my boo. Okay. If we’re booed up together. Oh, we’re
Todd: booed up. Yeah. Oh, I didn’t know we were booed up.
Todd: That’s so exciting. Boy, B O I. Uh, I
Cathy: don’t
Todd: know. It’s another way of spelling boy through text or on social media. That makes no sense to me. Okay. I think they should just use the Y instead of the I. Uh, Bop, B O P. It’s like a
Cathy: good, like, awesome song that you can rock out to. Sweetie,
Todd: I would get 0 percent on this test and you’re getting like 80%.
Cathy: Well, and you know, it’s funny because, um, they’re like the, you know, I, we’re talking about Taylor’s album a little bit today, if you can’t tell, I’m trying to bring it in. And, you know, people were upset with it because they’re like, there’s no bops. Yeah. And it just means there’s no, like, You know, look what you [00:36:00] made me do.
Cathy: Or there’s no, you know, bejeweled. And they’re like, you know, there’s no bops.
Todd: So I want parents to play this, but for themselves to see how good they are. Are you going to put a link? Terrible. Yeah, I’ll put a link in. Or they could just play it while they’re listening to this podcast. Okay. Bougie.
Cathy: Bougie is like really like hoity and like, you know, rich.
Cathy: And you know, like if you’re going to like a really nice house, like a nice Airbnb, and it’s really nice, it’s bougie.
Todd: Bruh.
Cathy: Bruh is like, they use it like, come on. But it means like, like, it’s like saying, well, come on.
Todd: It means bro.
Cathy: It does. But the way that they use it, B R U H, like if, like say something to JC and it’s funny, she’ll go brah.
Todd: Yeah. Like that. Yeah. I think you’re right. Bussin. B U S S I N. I
Cathy: think that means you’re like doing something really good. Right?
Todd: Really, really good. Yeah. Usually used for food. Once, used twice in a row. If the food is really spectacular. Like bussin bussin. Those fries look bussin. Bussin. Or they are bussin bussin
Cathy: Wow.
Todd: Oh, wow. You gotta
Cathy: [00:37:00] use that
Todd: next time we have dinner. My God, this pasta is bussin everybody. No, you gotta say bussin bussin Oh. I’m totally gonna annoy all three of my daughters with this. I’m gonna light up our text, uh, family text chain. But
Cathy: you gotta, don’t start with it. Have it be a response. I’m
Todd: just gonna say bussin I’m just gonna say bussin everybody.
Todd: Canon, headcanon. What the heck is that?
Cathy: Canon, isn’t that like, Similar, and again, I don’t, I’ve never used it.
Todd: Let me be clear. Yeah.
Cathy: But isn’t that like where it began? Like canon? Like
Todd: the Pretty good. The actual plot of a book, movie, or show. Yeah. Versus ideas people have that they want to be canon. Yeah. Head canon.
Todd: My head canon is that Thor really likes cats. You can’t really tell me Percy Jackson doesn’t have ADHD. It’s literally canon.
Cathy: Yeah.
Todd: I don’t even know. It’s
Cathy: literally like baked in.
Todd: Um, cap? No cap.
Cathy: Yeah. No cap is like no lie and cap is lie.
Todd: Man, you are so good at this. Catch feels.
Cathy: That means you’re starting to like somebody.
Todd: Catch these [00:38:00] hands.
Cathy: Catch these hands. I don’t know that
Todd: one. It means to fight. My girlfriend is way prettier than yours. You bow to catch these hands. Okay. Don’t know that one. CEO of. Like person in charge of.
Cathy: Being really talented it says. Uh, Chugi? Oh, wait. So CEO of means like you’re good at something.
Cathy: Being really talented at something. Like someone is the CEO. Yeah. Okay, cool. Chugi? Chugi is like used for like millennials now. It’s like, it’s kind of like outdated.
Todd: Um, it says cringy or awkward, specifically used for Gen Z in reference to trends from the early to mid 2000s. Yeah, millennials. My gosh, I’m just very impressed with you right now.
Todd: Chill, that’s too easy, right? Clout? Like to have, uh, power. Uh, dead or dying.
Cathy: They say dead when they’re like overwhelmed by something like, Oh my God, I’m dead. When
Todd: something is so funny you can’t handle it. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That TikTok. I’m dead. Yeah. Like
Cathy: it’s so. [00:39:00] I feel
Todd: so old right now.
Cathy: It’s funny that you’re saying that because the girls use that all the time.
Cathy: Like I’ll put some, I send them reels all the time and all the right is dead.
Todd: Here’s the thing. I’m Did we have this much slang when we were little? I don’t think we did. I think they’ve built on the volume of slang.
Cathy: Dude. Okay. Some of our slang has become so commonplace. That we don’t
Todd: think of it as slang.
Todd: Like,
Cathy: just the word awesome. It’s such a Gen X word and it’s pointed out a lot because Gen Z doesn’t use the word awesome the way we do. We don’t. We say things like, some of it is kind of lore. Yeah. Meaning like, I didn’t really say gag me with a spoon. Yeah. Right? But it was part of our generation. Yeah.
Cathy: Right. And we, and then we’d sometimes just be like, Oh my God, gag me.
Todd: Yeah.
Cathy: And we, we, we were so used to it. I mean, I know for sure munition. I had a totally different language because my mom told me to stop using it.
Todd: What about drip?
Todd: I don’t know. Something that’s coming slow? I don’t know. Trip refers to a really cool outfit or item of clothing. Oh, no idea. Never heard
Cathy: that.
Todd: Um, [00:40:00] facts.
Cathy: F A C T S?
Todd: Yes.
Cathy: Truth.
Todd: Yeah, being in agreement with
Cathy: something. So, and that’s another thing. So the two things that the girls, so the two things that the girls write the most in our text is iconic.
Cathy: Which is probably on there somewhere, and then facts, which just basically means if I send like a picture, and I’ll be like, oh my gosh, I love this person, and they’ll just write facts.
Todd: What about the letter G?
Cathy: Uh, is it just OG? Like the best?
Todd: No. No? What is it? It’s a term of endearment for friends. Hey G, what’s up?
Todd: Oh, never heard that one. Gassing?
Cathy: Um, I don’t know, gaslighting? I
Todd: don’t know. To hype someone up. I’m always gassing up my girlfriend so she knows she looks so cute. No, I didn’t know that one. Sweetie, I’m guessing you because you’re so cute. I don’t think I’m using it right. Thank you. Girl dinner. I think Oh, girl dinner.
Todd: We know that. Does that mean a dinner with girls?
Cathy: No, no, no. Girl dinner means the way that you make dinner. Like you, I’m basically, I’m not the creator of girl dinner, but I’ve done girl dinner my whole life, which is you take a plate, you [00:41:00] put pretzels, maybe some cheese, maybe some hummus, maybe some carrots, and you make a meal that’s like really rando.
Cathy: And the unfortunate part about girl dinner is that people were It became a thing where people would be like, okay, this is my girl dinner. You know, it’s all these pieces put together. I’m not making anything for anyone else. But then it got kind of into the eating disorder category where people started to girl dinner started to be like, don’t eat that much.
Cathy: Do you know what I mean? It kind of started to veer
Todd: in the
Cathy: wrong direction.
Todd: Part of friends where they’re making fun of Rachel because she had a big potato and diet co*ke.
Cathy: It’s a perfect girl dinner. It’s like we get stuck. Dude, I went through high school having noodles for dinner, noodles and butter, noodles and butter.
Cathy: That’s all I had. And it was very, or noodles and butter and carrots, or like in college when I was student teaching every day, I would bring the exact same lunch because I was poor, you know, and
Todd: should we still be going through this right now? Or is this enough?
Cathy: Why don’t you just do one or two more and girl math, um, girl math.
Todd: Interesting. There’s a paragraph here. It’s
Cathy: a little bit. Well, [00:42:00] Okay, we, we were just talking about this the other day, so I feel like, and this could be bad, I think it’s like easy math.
Todd: Girl math refers to the sometimes strange, sometimes silly, and often relatable ways that women describe seeing their finances.
Todd: The phrase is something of an inside joke in women both online and off, but has also been used derogatorily. Derogatory. Derogatory. Thank you. To suggest that all women are bad with money. If I paid for the concert tickets six months ago, I’ve had enough paydays since then it may as well be free. That is some girl math.
Cathy: Okay. So I, I described it the wrong way, um, and I will say that for me, girl math, and I don’t use this, but is when I say. Hey, Todd, I returned a bunch of things, so this dinner tonight is basically free. Oh my God. And you’ll say, what are you talking about? It’s not. I need to start saying that’s girl
Todd: math.
Cathy: Don’t, because it’s a bit derogatory. It’s
Todd: totally derogatory. Yeah. But I do a
Cathy: lot of girl math.
Todd: That, yeah, you do illogical math. I’ll say, [00:43:00] I
Cathy: got 500 for my birthday, and so I’m gonna buy these things six months later because remember the 500 For my birthday. Yeah. And then Todd’s such a buzz count. ’cause he’ll be like, no, that’s gone.
Todd: Yeah.
Cathy: He’ll be like that money’s gone.
Todd: It’s not gone. It got put in, it got absorbed into our account.
Cathy: I understand. To our
Todd: bank accounts. But it it did. But you think like that money in the bank was waiting for you to spend it on something? Six months. It should be.
Cathy: If I got $500 for my birthday, I should be able to spend that on something I want.
Cathy: It shouldn’t pay the phone bill if, well, when I say shouldn’t. It could, but I’m trying to use it for myself. Yeah,
Todd: uh, well we can do a whole podcast on it. Last one. Okay. Keep it 100, sweetie. Yeah, like keep it real. Yeah, be true to yourself and stick to your values. This is pretty good. I’m gonna write myself a note and include, cause there, we only got one third of the way through.
Todd: Um, now this would blow up in my face if I ever started using this stuff. You, it would. Don’t you think?
Cathy: Well, I wouldn’t say a lot of these, but I, I, I do [00:44:00] say a few of them. Like not in, in it’s very, Sometimes it’s, see, here’s the thing too. I think sometimes when we’re using their language, we’re doing, well, but I’m trying to find that middle place is I’m not really doing it to try and be cool.
Cathy: I’m not trying to be Amy Poehler in Mean Girls where I’m like, I’m a cool mom. Yeah. I know I’m not cool. So when I say, um, excuse me, that’s really sus. Yeah. I’m not really trying to be their age. I’m just trying to be funny. Do you know what I mean? But yet sometimes with my girlfriends, I do say sus.
Todd: I just think that, uh, generally speaking, when us old middle aged parents try to enter the world of teenagers or 20s or adolescents, there’s like an, like, just stay out of my world, mom and dad.
Cathy: Well, here, again, this is so nuanced because definitely, if you are trying, again, have you seen Mean Girls? Do you know the whole Amy Poehler character in that show? I’m embarrassed to say
Todd: I have not seen it. Okay.
Cathy: So, she’s, Lindsay Lohan’s mom, or [00:45:00] excuse me, no, she’s Regina George’s mom. So she’s Rachel McAdams mom.
Cathy: And she’s like trying to be super cool and like trying to use their language and being like, you guys can drink here and you can tell me anything. That’s like a wannabe. Okay. And that’s another word they use, you know, wannabe or, um, one of their other, things is a pick me girl. That’s like part of their slang too, like a pick me girl who’s like trying to be so cool and put down other girls and it’s like a male gaze kind of thing.
Cathy: Anyway, trying to do that with your kids is so cringe, right? That’s so cringey. But If you are being funny or trying to, you understand what they’re saying, like when, when my girls text iconic, I’m not like, what does that mean? Do you know what I mean? Like, let’s keep up a little bit. Yeah. So it’s not, it doesn’t mean that, you know, we can kind of, it starts to come naturally.
Cathy: Like Todd, think about, um, nicknames for people.
Todd: I mean, you’re Sweetie.
Cathy: Right, okay, so Cameron came up with a million nicknames on her own, so that was not as [00:46:00] organic. But nicknames start to become normalized in this way where we don’t even realize we’re doing it. Yeah. Right? You know what I mean? Like all of a sudden you’re calling someone by a nickname and you’re like, I don’t know when it transitioned.
Cathy: It’s the same way with language. If you’re using it because you’re trying to be cool, then gross and cringe, right? But if you’re like, it’s starting to become part of our family vocabulary, then so be it. Right. You know? And now it’s kind of. Yeah. That’s kind of how I see it. You know what, it’s just genuineness.
Todd: Yeah, just authenticity. Are you
Cathy: just being yourself, or are you trying to be somebody else? That’s all.
Todd: I think I may have found the scene for Mean Girls, even though I’ve never seen it. So just tell me if I’m in a scene. I
Clip: just want you to know, if you need anything, don’t be shy, okay? There are no rules in this house.
Clip: I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom. Right, Regina? Please stop talking. I’ll make you girls a hump day treat. Should I
Todd: keep
Cathy: going? No, I mean that’s the most famous scene. She’s got a few other scenes. And then her, like, younger daughter is [00:47:00] in the other room dancing to Kellis, which is like a stage show.
Cathy: Totally adult song, like, you know, it, and her daughter’s Regina George. The cool mom thing is not working out so well. Um, so it’s, it’s just, we all know those people, right? Sure. You know, and we’re all attempting that, but do you, there’s a way, okay, so let’s go back to the beginning thing, which is don’t, don’t, don’t.
Cathy: need the stuff and then you get all the stuff.
Todd: Yeah.
Cathy: If you can be yourself and also kind of be open and fun or funny about the, the world going on around you, it, it kind of works out pretty well. Do you know what I mean? Like in, and. To Todd’s point, the girls still get annoyed at certain things I say, especially when I say words wrong.
Cathy: Um, they get annoyed at you sometimes when you’re asking questions that seem staged or stiff. We’re not going to
Todd: do it perfectly. We, we have a, and our daughters love us, we love them and that, but I annoy them one way and you annoy them a different way.
Cathy: Because we’re parents, we’re their parents. Yeah. And there’s just no way around it.
Cathy: At the same time, I’m not that annoyed when they’re annoyed at [00:48:00] me. Like, I think it’s funny, especially when you join them and you’re like, yeah, mom, that’s just the worst. I’m trying to think of that. What was that word that I was saying? Cause they kept saying, oh, it was bejeweled. She was making fun of the way I say bejeweled.
Todd: You sound like you’re saying it right.
Cathy: I know, but she was like, it’s bejeweled. And I say bejeweled. Bejeweled. Like, I put a D on the end. Yeah, and
Todd: that’s where I’m like
Cathy: Because she’s, because she always says that I say, best believe I’m still bejeweled. She’s like, why do you say it so long? And that’s a total mom annoying thing.
Cathy: My mom, we still have jokes about things my mom used to say. She couldn’t pronounce guacamole.
Todd: Guacamole. She wouldn’t
Cathy: say it right. She put an L in there. And you know
Todd: What is it about dynamic of When our parents say something wrong, I remember, yeah, I can relate to that. Your
Cathy: mom would say things, remember she’d always call it Jerry Steinfeld?
Cathy: Steinfeld. We’d be like, it’s Seinfeld. And then remember when your mom forever was saying cool to everything? Cool. We’d be like, we’re coming over. She’d be like, cool, cool. We’d be like, yeah, we’re going to do this. Cool.
Todd: So then we started. We started
Cathy: saying, cool, [00:49:00] Sharon. Yeah, cool, Sharon.
Todd: That’s right.
Cathy: So, we are not immune to this, and this is kind of like, instead of being offended, understand that you’re just kind of, you are kind of
Todd: cringed.
Todd: Yeah, by default, you’re not supposed to be cool. If your kids think you’re like the coolest person on the planet, they’re wrong. That’s, that’s
Cathy: not great.
Todd: It’s not great.
Cathy: But it is great if they, like, what it, see, this is such a funny conversation. I’m, I’m, I’ve shared this a lot, but I have to keep promoting my book.
Cathy: You know, it’s part of marketing. I’m writing this book called Restoring Our Girls comes out in January and I’m trying to find this balance between no, you don’t want to be cool to your kids. It’s not, it’s not, that’s not the goal. But for them to respect you, or to know your genuineness, or to trust you as a human, that is cool too.
Todd: Yeah.
Cathy: Right? We don’t need to be cool, Amy Poehler cool. Right. We don’t need to be like, I go out with my kids and I drink with them and I, that’s not what I’m talking about. Right. I’m talking about like, [00:50:00] you can be an honest, trustworthy person and they do think you’re cool. Yeah. You may not, they may not want you to hang out with their friends, but they, you know, like Cameron still, you know, I.
Cathy: Because my Instagram is Zen Parenting Radio, she doesn’t love if I’m like commenting on a bunch of her posts. Like, I can like anything, but if I’m commenting, she’s like, you know How rude. Well, you know, the girls have been troopers about what we do for a living. I mean, and she’s at college, and if, if, you know, on her feed in college, it’s like Zen Parenting Radio, and it’s like, you look so beautiful, I love you, or something.
Cathy: People are going to be like, what the hell is Zen Parenting Radio? And then all of a sudden, everybody there knows we’re podcasters, right? And that is Last
Todd: thing you want is your team. You want your friends to know that your parents podcast about parenting.
Cathy: Well, and that’s the thing is Cameron has explained to me that it’s like two different ways.
Cathy: She’s like part of it. I am kind of like, let’s just leave that out of it. Cause you know, there’s teasing and everything. She’s like, but there’s another part of it when they do find out, find out she’s like, I’m not embarrassed at all. But [00:51:00] when they’re like, oh gosh, your parents did that podcast thing. She gets really defensive and she’ll go.
Cathy: No, no. They’ve been podcasting for like 14 years or 13 years. So she, she’s kind of walks that line between, let’s just leave it out of the conversation. And if you’re going to bring it up, I’m going to tell you that no, they’re not jumping on a bandwagon. So that’s, and that is an, That, in itself, is a perfect example of, as parents, where we often fall.
Cathy: Yeah. Right? Is, you know, she’s not walking around wearing Zen Parenting Radio sweatshirts.
Todd: No. But
Cathy: she also is not at all embarrassed by it. Sure. It’s just not her life. Yeah. Um, so, anywho.
Todd: Um, I feel like that’s a good place to close shop.
Cathy: Okay. So, let’s end with one of the songs. So, my, my, uh, sub stack was about Taylor’s new album, and it really wasn’t, wasn’t It was more about my takes on the storytelling that she does and how we sometimes think we know everything that she’s talking about.
Cathy: And we don’t. Because I’ll tell you why. [00:52:00] This album tells us that we’ve been wrong about a lot of things for about 10 years. And not everything, but there’s more story. Of course there is, everybody. Just like, say you’ve been listening to this podcast for 13 years. You’re like, I know everything about them.
Cathy: No, you don’t. We share a lot, but we do not share our whole lives. We share a very curated, not in, not disingenuous curated, but a very, uh, we make decisions about what we share. And so same with listening to an artist.
Todd: But not everything.
Cathy: Yeah. And so anyway, why don’t you play, I think, did I have you pull up, uh, pull up the bolter and go to, um, about two minutes and 50 seconds.
Cathy: And this is why I want you to go to the bolter, which I think is. I don’t know what number it is. Try and sing this part of the song and then see and see if you can breathe.
Todd: And what’s uh, what, what, um, where in the song do you want me to play? Go
Cathy: to, no, go to 248.
Todd: Oh geez, you really know this pretty well.
Cathy: Well, I pulled it up so I could. [00:53:00] So just turn it up.
Clip: All her f*ckin lies Sorry, swear. Blasphemy for her And I feel so bad I feel so bad It feels like the time She fell through the eyes
Clip: She’s been many places with men of many faces. First they’re off to the races and she’s laughing, drawing aces, but none of it is changing. That the chariot is waiting, hearts are hers for the breaking. There’s escape and escaping. Started with a kiss, oh we must stop beating like this, but it always ends up with a town car speeding.
Cathy: The Bolter. The Bolter, okay. Just for fun. I know you’re just listening to it. You’re like, oh, that’s great, or I don’t like it. Try and sing that, and then you’ll realize, like Skylar is a singer, so she understands breathing. That [00:54:00] is so hard. That’s like, if you guys are Taylor fans, Death by a Thousand Cuts, the bridge in that song is so hard to sing, and it’s just, sometimes when we’re hard on a singer, or we’re like, this person isn’t talented, there are things that demonstrate talent.
Cathy: Besides the writing and everything else where you’re like, Oh my God, that’s so, can you imagine doing a song like that in concert where you’re like, Yeah, like it’s so hard to sing. So I want you to learn all the words, Todd, and then come down tomorrow morning and be just singing it randomly. Oh, and then see if, if Skylar picks up on it.
Cathy: Okay. Uh, how long was the song? You don’t have to learn all the words. Just like sing part of the chorus and just be kind of singing it. Yeah. And then she might be like, yeah, I just will be so curious if she’ll be like, um, dad.
Todd: Uh, where did my dad go? Right. Why is he listening to this random song off the new album that he hasn’t spent any time listening to?
Cathy: Well, and, and the reason why I’m saying this specifically with her is there’s a lot of songs on this album I like, but that’s her favorite. [00:55:00] And I love it now too, because I’m like, you’re right. This is so good. And we were talking about how hard it is to sing that. Yeah. And so if you are singing, she’s going to notice.
Cathy: Yeah.
Todd: Beautiful. Um, okay. I will do that. I will commit to that. And I’m going to listen to the bolter. Yeah, before, before tomorrow.
Cathy: All right, honey.
Todd: Um, we’re gonna play our music and say thank you to Jeremy Kraft. He’s a baldhead of beauty. If you live in the Chicagoland area and you have any home improvement project painting, remodeling, give Jeremy a call 6 3 0 9 5 6 1800 avid code.net and, uh, join teams X and get a get a water bottle.
Todd: Keep trucking everybody.
Round two. Change a little bit. And change a little bit. Pretty [00:56:00] pleasant.
